Kujichagulia: Self-Determination & My/Your Grief

On the second day of Kwanzaa, we reflect on the principle of Kujichagulia, or self-determination. This principle challenges us to define ourselves, our purpose, and our future. In the wise words of Audre Lorde, “If I didn't define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people's fantasies for me and eaten alive.” These words resonate profoundly when we consider our journey through grief.

Grief is a deeply personal experience, and yet, too often, society attempts to dictate the terms of our grieving: how long it should last, how intense it should be, and even what is worthy of our grief. Kujichagulia empowers us to reject these external impositions and embrace our own unique process of mourning. It is about finding the courage to honor our grief, in whatever form it takes, and asserting our right to feel and express it on our own terms.

In a world that prioritizes whiteness and frequently seeks to standardize other people’s experiences to fit into the limitations whiteness imposes, Kujichagulia reminds us that our grief is as individual as we are. It is a declaration that we will not let our grief be diminished or dismissed by others' expectations or discomfort. Instead, we assert the validity of our emotions and our right to process them in a way that is true to who we are.

As we light the candle for Kujichagulia, let's commit to defining our grief for ourselves. Let us remember that in this act of self-definition and self-determination, we honor ourselves and those we have lost. Our grief, unique and personal, is a testament to our love and our connection to those who are no longer with us.

Let this day be a reminder that in defining our grief, we are healing ourselves and paving the way for a more compassionate and understanding world where every person’s journey through loss is respected and valued.